kisah langit dan bumi: love lesson

I decided this morning to ditch my Spotify playlist and play from my iTunes library itself. It's very nostalgic you see, because my song library is like from, at least, 6 years ago (this was wayyy before Spotify came in) and it instantly takes me back. For example, right now, I'm listening to one spoken poetry that I downloaded from Soundcloud 6 years ago called "Kisah Langit dan Bumi" by Suaracerita. It used to be my favourite poetry of all time. At the time it came out, I just met my own version of "Langit" so it just stuck in my head and my heart for a long time. 

I met Langit when I was 20. Very young. It wasn't love at first sight or anything like that (I'm not even sure if it was love actually hmm) But he was funny. And smart. So he made me laugh and at awe at the same time. He wasn't perfect at all so I never had any sort of fairytale story and hope played out in my young mind. I was just trying to enjoy the moment and trying to make sense of it whenever possible. And he was just like the one in poetry. Langit was the most fitting metaphor to describe him at the time. So unpredictable. Inconsistent. Changing all the time. You hoped for bright clear sky but he gave you gloomy dark clouds. You wanted some shade but he decided, nope, I'm going to burn you with my sunshine. Then suddenly, it changed to the most beautiful sunset ever. And beautiful night starry sky. Soothing and healing. That was enough to make me decide to stay at the end of the cycle. His beautiful sunset. That was enough. 

Not a healthy cycle. I didn't see it back then, but now I do. But he was wonderful when he was being wonderful you know. I called him blue sky on his good days. Not just any blue sky. Edinburgh blue sky. With the prettiest shade of blue. I was hooked. I didn't mind him coming and go as he pleased. I didn't mind waiting. Well, I was young. And stupid. All I knew back then was that we had a lot of fun together and it felt good. I remember telling one my of best friends back then. I said, I think I have met the one that I wanted. He needed some more time, but I didn't mind waiting. He's a little broken and lonely now, but I'm not. I could help him. 

I could help him. There I was trying to be a hero to someone else. That was the extent of my knowledge about love. I thought it was possible to love someone and help them and, you know, change them. Like Bumi, I was okay with being there for him regardless his mood for the day. Bumi was just hoping that Langit would change one day, for the better.  

We drifted apart eventually. And I met someone else who is totally the opposite of Langit. Who teaches me about different kind of love. I heard he met someone else too eventually, which is good for him. Truly. 

And one would think that after this event I would learn right away that there is no way you can change people. It actually took me another couple of similar situation like this to make me finally internalize the lesson. I am that slow in learning guys. I guess it's very, very easy to be drawn towards people who are more like you. People who think like you, who go through the same thing like you do, who feels the same pain like you do. Looking back, that what makes me like Langit in the first place. We were, more or less, similar. I didn't realize it back then, but I do now. 

And another thing that I have learned ever since is you can only be a hero to yourself. Not other people. It's not your job so don't go and take it. It also takes a lot of courage to be a hero to yourself. It's not an easy job. And the only person that can make you happy is you, not other people. Good relationships with people around you will add up to your happiness, but it's not the main source. This is one thing I am learning as well. The main one comes from your relationship with yourself and your God. I'm thinking, had I live a life following this, I'd be less disappointed when it comes to people. And maybe I will be able to give more room for them to be themselves, to do what makes them happy. People around you are just companions in your journey. Yes, this includes your partner. You don't go around and demand your road trip partner to always follow and do what you like so that you can be happy. You just stick together and do what makes each of you happy. And then you share the happiness. 

Of course, you need to throw in some tolerance and compromise here and there. It's okay. We'll learn this.