for the hope of it all

I just closed my work laptop. I teared up a little bit while I was doing that - even though at the time I was actually singing along to Betty. I have started working again this week, and actually went back to office also today. I'm so freaking tired as I'm typing this, but yet again, who isn't right? It's funny when I think about how people would suggest you to take a mini break from work to recharge and only for you to come back from that mini break, tired like you always were before. Sometimes even more tired because of all the catching up you need to do while you were gone. Mini break is more of escapism than a cure - though it does clear up your mind for a little bit. And it keeps your health at good level also which is like, the main point of the break. I'm cutting down caffeine now in the morning since escapism is not possible for now. It doesn't help much on clearing the mind but at least I'm less agitated. But I'm not eating well now, which my my mother is very unhappy about. 

I'd love to think of all these as merely a phase of my life that I have to go through. Like, you will always have things in life that you need to learn and adapt to. And at the moment, it's just a little challenging to adapt to this phase. I think if I just managed to sort out my expectations on myself, life would be a little easier than it seems in my eyes. And like always, thinking about the solution is much easier than executing it. But life itself is a lifelong learning process/journey, it's a constant adapting and re-adapting until you get it okay so I don't really have much choice here. I could teach myself to be happy with the process, but that would also be another learning to do. 

We are meant to be super tired here in this world. I guess.