little growth

 

I'm trying to fight off my sleepiness actually as I'm typing this. It's half past 10 now which is well within my bedtime but the sky outside is still a little bright and isyak prayer is not for another half an hour at least so here I am rambling and thinking about how summer is my least favourite season because of the enforced change in my bedtime. 

I had a good day though. The other day I was watching an igstory of a stay-at-home mother who listed out her plans to do during the recent MCO back home and one of them was to do at least one additional home cleaning task on top of normal daily house stuff and I thought oh wow that is inspiring. So I did that today by cleaning and organizing one of the kitchen cabinets (which was an upgrade from yesterday in which I only cleaned and sanitized the cabinet doors lol). It looks great. I know which pan goes where now and already told/warned Amin to not mess up the organization whenever he helps in the kitchen. I did laundry for the big stuff (bed and bath are always tricky because of the lack of space we have to airdry them). Cooked for lunch (& dinner) and bubur jagung for teatime. I did and submitted 3 designs for these interior decor game I have been playing since last month. Discussed and argued with Amin about this one Facebook post that I saw about national scholars being called pengkhianat negara for not wanting to go back and serve the country. 

6 months ago, I wouldn't be/wasn't able to do all these things in one day so do allow me to celebrate this little accomplishment. 

As much as I enjoy exploring this little newly found role of mine, it would be a lie if I said that I had not been thinking about my lack of professional career or source of income or the fact that I even have to think many times before I even decided to buy new skincare products since I have to run through someone else now. I am thankful for a husband who always try to provide & fulfil as much as he possibly can so that I would still have as many things as I used to have before I decided to go domestic. But there are things that, even when you're married, only you can fulfil and provide for yourself. And I guess I am struggling in this area now and I'm not just talking about careers though. It's all sort of things. 

But I do also think about how 6 months ago I have no idea how to cook bubur jagung or how I have never done domestic/grocery budgeting for a household. I think about how 6 months ago, my cooking skill was almost non-existent and how I couldn't care less about cleaning or cooking hacks or things like that. 6 months ago, I had very little time to speak with my family or friends and I had very little space to allocate for their life stories for I was so occupied with my own but now I have more than little and I always try to make them count. 

I have to let go some things in my life but at the same time I get to grow in some other areas of life which is not so bad I guess now that I think about it. 

I think it's all about perspectives but nowadays it's a struggle to form your own or stand by it/them given that we are exposed with too many other perspectives from the world which can greatly influence how we think or feel every day. Everyone grows in different ways and all growth should be celebrated equally right?

Well, I hope so.