Lumière & Letters

  Well, I'm back home in Malaysia now.  I'm at my in-laws' up at the east coast as I'm typing this, sitting at the front porch watching my husband folding something he found at the garage. It's such a blissful feeling at the moment, since I can't even remember the last time I did something as simple as sitting at the front porch in the safe comfort of my own home (well, second home in this case). Amin and I miss our lives back at Liverpool so terribly sometimes but at the end of the day we both agree that this, sitting at the front porch at 6pm in the safe comfort of our home, is better. Way, way better.  There's no place like home, I guess.  I haven't been here in a long time and the last time I was here, I wasn't here for a very long time also so I'm still adjusting and adapting. It seems to me that this year is all about it you know - adjusting and adapting. So much personal changes this year. Like, a lot. It has not been a smooth journey all ...

  July. In a blink of an eye.  June was a blur. I had (still have actually) been battling with persistent low moods that didn't seem to be wanting to go away. It's quite frustrating and draining to be honest. I had been crying almost on daily basis and for some time the whole thing had manifested into physical things. You know, illness here and there. Headache. You name it. But my head is a little clearer now Alhamdulillah. Might go into a mini retreat for a little while. Stay off social media. Just be all by myself again.  In retrospect, I think the most frustrating part about this whole ordeal is that I thought I was getting better but turned out I wasn't really (if we were to base things on the recent breakdown). Maybe for a while I was down but because I wasn't expecting a breakdown like this it just got worst and prolonged. But I did think I was getting better. I cut down sugar and caffeine, I eat vegetables every day, I do yoga regularly, I walk at least once a we...

  I'm trying to fight off my sleepiness actually as I'm typing this. It's half past 10 now which is well within my bedtime but the sky outside is still a little bright and isyak prayer is not for another half an hour at least so here I am rambling and thinking about how summer is my least favourite season because of the enforced change in my bedtime.  I had a good day though. The other day I was watching an igstory of a stay-at-home mother who listed out her plans to do during the recent MCO back home and one of them was to do at least one additional home cleaning task on top of normal daily house stuff and I thought oh wow that is inspiring. So I did that today by cleaning and organizing one of the kitchen cabinets (which was an upgrade from yesterday in which I only cleaned and sanitized the cabinet doors lol). It looks great. I know which pan goes where now and already told/warned Amin to not mess up the organization whenever he helps in the kitchen. I did laundry for th...

  My best friend asked how I've been doing yesterday, and I replied I am enjoying the mundane-ness of things for now - which can be an unfortunate or a luxurious thing for someone depending on how you see it from your eyes. I feel it's a little bit of both and of course there's nothing wrong with that. Such is the nature of life. For things are always in pairs and always come together and you just have to learn how to live with it.  It's my month 3 of isolation away from home . I have come to love the life of a housewife though months before I couldn't even picture myself enthusiatically living it. Back then I kept thinking about the things that I would lose or give up once I venture into this life - the many things that I thought I wouldn't be able to live without and most importantly, the things that I thought made up who I am as a person. A certain career, a certain lifestyle, a certain friendship, a certain relationship etc. Now that I let most of them go, I...

  Amin asked me a few days ago when we realized that it has been 2 months since we got married. "How are you adapting?" I said, surprisingly well so far, exceeding my own expectations as a matter of fact in which he replied, "Yeah I can see that. I'm surprised too." Well, to be fair, both he and I knew very well that I'm no (house)wife material. I was worried about adapting too. Getting married has been a huge change of direction for me personally, so much so that I made the decision to proceed with it and executed it under 3 months out of fear that I might change my mind if I drag this for too long.    Liverpool has been okay so far. Not much thing to do outside since the country is still under a lockdown and many non-essentials shops are closed until possibly April. We took a few walks around once we were out of quarantine and Amin has been saying that the streets are quieter that they used to be though I still think they're a little too busy to my lik...

I didn't think that I could travel and see this kind of view in this near future but this was taken from my window seat a couple of days ago. I think we were high up somewhere around Czech Republic when this was taken - it was cloudy everywhere.  My closest friends still can't comprehend how I possibly manage to make this such a no big deal but ever since the last post -  1.  I got married to the guy I had been seeing since final year uni. 2. I quit my job. 3. I stayed at my in-laws up in the east coast for a few weeks.  4. and then just a few days ago I packed my bags and flew out of the country to stay for a little while with my husband at Liverpool.  All these changes within the span of 5 weeks.  Liverpool is okay. A little more rush compared to Edinburgh but it doesn't feel exactly new and unfamiliar. We are currently self-isolating at home for the next 10 days and the whole country is under a national lockdown still so we will just be at home the whole...

I've been waking up earlier than usual this whole week. I think it's the overthinking and anxiety, but in a way it's good. As in, I find myself getting an extra one hour or two out of the day for myself, say to enjoy my coffee or write something or play with my cats. Usually I'd be too tired to do anything after work so this is good. We might have taken up a new kitten last weekend. We found the little guy around the house. Ayah was not happy at the beginning but the little guy stuck around and eventually he came around and let the little guy stay. Plus, we haven't had any kitten for so long now. Lily and Luna are big girls now (though they're still babies in our eyes). Mochi is very independent. He finds everything amusing and new and he plays with everything that he lays his eyes on. Like everything. It's like the whole world is a playground to him. It's really fun to watch. The girls weren't very welcoming at the beginning but like Ayah, they came...